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Judge John Hodgman on Birthday Surprises

Grace writes:I have a wonderful boyfriend, Alex, who plans fun surprises for my birthday. I love it, but I’m guilty of badgering him for details in advance. He recently said he would start telling me the truth when I asked. Please order him not to do this and instead accept this behavior as part of the process.

Ah, a classic case of “Be careful what you wish for” (which is also what I whisper menacingly into my children’s ears when they confront their birthday candles). I advise you to practice gratitude. You have a generous partner who celebrates you every year in the way you wish! Why punish him with the “fun” of a joyless, no-win interrogation? I rule in Alex’s favor. Moreover, he has revealed to me your next three birthday gifts: glamping on an oil rig, 1,000 limes and a pet jaguar named Chris. These may or may not be true, but my sentence is that you suffer the mystery.

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